I have a suggestion for novices who find themselves in possession of the wine list at a restaurant but at a loss for what to do with it. Before I break it down for you, though, I have three caveats.

First, my trick will only work at a certain kind of restaurant, that is, where somebody — the owner, usually, but perhaps the head chef or a partner — has put more than a thought or two into the wine. Fortunately, this sort of spot has become ubiquitous, even at levels below “special occasion” restaurants. You can tell you’re in the right place if the wine list has more than two pages, more than three wines by the glass, and lots of wine names you don’t recognize.

Second, if you’re on a date, and you’re stressed to impress, I recommend you conceal your strategy from your companion. You’ll see why in a moment.

Finally, you will need to decide first whether you want to drink a white or a red. If you can’t do this, I can’t help you. Otherwise, for my proposal click here:

So here it is, ladies and gentlemen: My modest proposal is that you go your Whites or Reds section, briefly scan the offerings, and choose the cheapest. That’s right, the cheapest bottle. If you have zero recognition of this wine’s name and no clue how to pronounce it, that’s actually a major bonus. Don’t panic; just say to the server, “We’ll have this bottle,” point, and listen carefully as he enunciates for you. (That way you can repeat it to your date if he says, “Wow, what is that you ordered?”)

Why on earth would you do this? Because if the person behind that wine list is really passionate about wine (and remember we have determined that she is), she will have put a lot of thought into that bargain bottle. She will want each option on her list to be delicious, but not all of it can be super expensive, so she will have been inspired by the challenge presented by her meanest selection. In the end, that Chateau LaCheapeau will be in its lowly position not just because of its great price, but because of its great “price-quality ratio,” that is, the steep inverse proportion between amount it costs and the amount of pleasure it will deliver.

Note that you should not choose the second-least expensive wine, a symptomatic move made by many panicked diners, so much so that (according to “The Smart Woman’s Guide to Reading a Wine List“) some scheming wine directors will put in that position a yucky wine they have lots of and want to unload.

Above all you should not be afraid of the unknown. In fact, if you follow my advice and are assiduous in your bottom feeding (bottom drinking?), I guarantee that you will encounter lots of wine that is new and exciting to you. That’s also thanks to our smarty pants behind the wine list. He knows that many great wines are hiding behind obscure labels, often at sleeper prices. (In fact, another nasty tendency among less-than-righteous wine directors is, knowing that novices will choose within their comfort zone, to mark up very recognizable wines even more than the usual 100 percent). Just don’t share your strategy with your date, or at least not yet. If you’re lucky she’ll turn out to be another Chateau LaCheapeau aficionado.