The indications have been around since the much-publicized “French Paradox,” i.e., the observation that although the French people exist on foie gras and rich sauces, they live longer: Red wine, the health experts theorized, is an important part of the “mediterranean diet” and might keep those smoking, meuniere-loving Frenchies so healthy.

In the latest development, scientists are claiming to have proven the link between red wine and longetivity. Clinicians isolated the magic ingredient in red wine, resveratrol, and fed it to mice on a high-fat diet. Then they compared what happened to them to the fate of obese mice with no resveratrol, and guess what: even though they didn’t slim down, the tippling Mickeys lived longer and maintained healthier organs.

If this discovery sounds of dubious value to you — like, wow, I can be a fat bloat until I die at 90 — you’re not alone. Read further and you’ll find that the amount of resveratrol that they fed the vintage mice per day is equivalent to that found in 700-1250 bottles of wine. Now, my mother told me to beware people who started drinking before lunch. But to get through 700 bottles a day — oh, wait, it’s 8:30 am right now. I’d better go and pop that magnum of pinot.