Lots of people ask me, “how do I choose the perfect bottle of wine?” I tell them the trick, actually, is first to pick the perfect wine store.

It’s unfortunate that many people feel anxiety around going to the store to buy a bottle of wine. That the stereotypical wine merchant is grey-haired, obtuse, and male doesn’t help. It’s unfortunate and ironic, because surveys show that women make a majority of wine-buying decisions. Plus, because the new trend among wine-bug bitten baby boomers is to quit their job and open up a wine shop, the connoisseur behind the counter is, today, just as likely to be a connoisseuse. For Wine Girl, buying wine is a delight. I happily anticipate a trip to my favorite wine shop. The feeling of having chosen the perfect bottle can be the second-most satisfying thing that happens to me all day — after drinking it, of course.

Think the big-box discount giant is your answer? Get set for some unconventional wisdom:

1. Smaller is Better.
Find a boutique-to-medium sized wine merchant you love. What makes this sort of shop wonderful is that the selection is determined not by the invisible hand of the market but by the real-life palate of the shop owner. The merchant has a passion for wine and knows every bottle in his or her shop intimately. As a result, you can be absolutely confident that there are no clunkers, and (even if you closed your eyes and went eenie-meenie) your chance of making the “wrong” decision will be greatly reduced.

My favorite wine shop is a three-room affair called Weimax Wines on the modest commercial strip of a nearby suburb. The store’s motto is “We Taste Before Buying,” meaning the staff stocks a wine because they’ve personally enjoyed it, not because they heard it sold well or scored ninety points in a magazine review. Their website, in fact, proclaims the store is a “Robert Parker-Free Zone,” with a dis on the prominent wine critic; they also like to make fun of Wine Spectator by calling it Wine Dictator. (It’s an added bonus if your perfect wine store has a sense of humor.)

2. Just Say Yes
When the merchant asks, “Can I help you,” that is. Wine selection is not about ego; it’s about pleasure. So I am never afraid to ask for directions. Every time I’ve had a conversation with a wine merchant, I’ve learned something. Sometimes, I come away with a great story.

At La Dernière Goute in Paris, for example, which happens to be owned by an expatriate from Miami, I once mentioned to him I was from California. He joked snidely, “I hear they make wine there.” “We do,” I replied with fresh-faced American candor, “and they’re saying 1997 will be a great vintage in Napa,” which caused him to snarl, “Yes, every vintage in Napa is a ‘great vintage.’” I realized immediately he had embraced his adopted home’s legendary prejudice. But I return every time I visit because I know he’ll send me back to my hotel with a bottle that will challenge mine.

3. Once you’ve fallen in love, go monogamous.
It’s okay to stray a little. But I always come back to my beloved wine shop. The staff knows me, knows what I like, and (even more importantly?) knows where my blind spots are. The staff knows I can always buy a Yellowtail chardonnay because it’s cheap, ubiquitous, and popular. But they’d rather steer us toward this similarly priced riesling from Alsace. It’s unique and will be delicious with that chicken chow mein they sees we’re carrying home.

4. Save the trip to Costco for …
There is a right time to buy wine at a large retailer or supermarket: It’s when you’ve done your research ahead of time, you know exactly what wine you want,and you’re going to buy in significant quantities. Because of the volume that these stores do — Costco is now the country’s largest wine retailer — they will most likely be able to beat the prices at your local favorite wine shop. But for the same reason, they are not staffed by people who know (or even care for) the wine. So come with your savings account in your back pocket, come with your list, but don’t come with any questions.